Doldrums

I am stressed out, but sometimes I feel like it is just futile to express it – complain about it. There is nobody else to talk to because everyone else seems to have a more weighty concern. To say the least, at the moment, the people of Marawi are certainly taking the brunt of all the Philippine troubles.

Yes, sometimes social media posts can relieve some burdens. Someone out there is ‘reading’, albeit maybe not meaning to. The good thing is that Joreb’s catechism class has been cancelled today. Bad news: I have a module due tonight and I am only halfway through it. Also: UWI grad school term has started again. Convent Prep exams are waiting to be written, or at least rewritten.

I am not a fool, though. What’s personal is personal. My complaints are about simple things – barely scratching the surface. I don’t think this is a good thing, though.

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Goodbye, 2015

This year, I have not really been active with my blogging. Even my Facebook presence has somehow dwindled. There are just too many things that needed my attention more. Perhaps it is a sign that I am finally becoming more mature. However, I still turn to the comfort of the Internet to hopefully preserve some of my memories. I still delight at finding “See Your Memories” on Facebook.

The year 2015 has been good and bad to me. That is the normal scheme of things. You take the bad with the good. That is life. To really see how 2015 treated me, here is a breakdown:

Good:

• I am back in Dominica. I was here with my family last year, but only for a month’s vacation. We are here for God knows how many years to come. Sometimes, it pays not to plan too much.
• I am living with my parents. It has been a long time since I had spent this much time with them.
• My son is doing well at his new school. He easily transitioned to speaking English all the time. I had made sure that his first language was still Filipino, and he can also understand the dialect (now considered another language) Bikol.
• My husband has a good job in marketing here, even though we are new. It is a combination of luck, connections, and good education.
• I am teaching primary school for the first time. It is loads of fun. I get a lot of hugs.
• My back does not hurt as much as before. The Tarlov cysts are soothed by my more relaxed lifestyle here.
• Work is not as grueling, though physical taxing (imagine working with 26 seven year olds without a teaching assistant!). I leave work early all the time, not like before when I had to sometimes stay at work from 6:30 am to 7:00 pm or even 9:00 pm. Work here is from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm at the latest.
• Since Joreb’s nanny has started working full time at my parents’ house, I am his full time mom and caregiver: baths, meals, and all included. I spend a lot of time with him now, especially since I teach at the school he attends.
• I started a Master of Science in Instructional Design and Technology at the University of the West Indies, Open Campus.
• NO TRAFFIC
• 300 square meters plus of plot of land for me and my brother, bought by our parents’ money and finalized under my efforts – fees paid by me and my brother.

Bad:

• I miss the Philippines, especially my brother and my friends.
• I quit a good job as a college instructor at Far Eastern University – TECH. I miss my old students.
• I had to leave before I got to defend my Master of Fine Arts – Creative Writing thesis at De la Salle University.

 

Mother

My mom will be travelling to the Philippines come Monday/Tuesday. I forgot if she was leaving Monday, Dominican or Philippine time. She will be arriving here just in time for Mother’s Day.  That is not her intention, however. She did not even plan on visiting this year because of health issues and responsibilities at work. Still, she is on the way home because she wanted to be with me when she heard about my Tarlov cysts. Whether I go through surgery or not, she will be here – that’s what she told me.

Even with her own scoliosis and congenital heart disease, she will be braving two to three days of travel alone. Dad has too many patients and medical students to accompany her. The usual route is Dominica-Puerto Rico-Miami-New York-L.A.-Manila. I don’t know if she opted for the European route this time around. I forgot to ask.

My mother and I have a weird relationship. We love each other terribly but when we fight, we sound like the best of enemies. Yet, we can count on each other. We can count on the other to forgive because our bond as mother and daughter is strong and has become stronger when I became a mother myself. As a mom now, I realize that I am slowly turning to a version of my mom. Though I look like my dad, my facial expressions are starting to match hers.

I am proud of her and what she is about to do for me by visiting despite her own health issues. I am proud that when I was a child, she never paid teachers anything just so I could get good grades. We did not donate refrigerators. We did not bribe teachers. She and my dad believe in me and in my brother – in our capabilities. My brother and I, in turn, also believe that our parents will do just about everything to ensure our safety, our health, and our development into good persons. This upcoming visit is one proof of that.