health, personal, tarlov cysts

Strange Dreams

I have been having strange dreams lately. I dreamed of a frog suctioned on the edge of my tongue, unwilling to let go. I could remember the disgust I felt. That disgust was different, not quite heartfelt. Instead, it was like a concept hovering over me, recognized but not fully internalized. Someone – I was not quite sure who – in my dream said that the frog was supposedly known to do that. It was an accepted fact, a habit on the frog’s part to hop into people’s mouths and just clutch as mightily as it could.


I also dreamed about a bunch of people dressed up in “Ghostbusters” gear, hunting for eggs that are supposedly very priceless. Doing so without getting official permission by a certain organization would mean jail time. Still, off this group go – hunting for huge, precious eggs.

Both the frog and the eggs symbolize fertility, a welcome theme for someone who was almost unable to conceive a child and for someone who must continue thriving in a creative community. Maybe, my writer’s block would end. Maybe I would start drawing with some inspiration again.

However, there is also a darker tone to all of this. I received the weird set of dreams after I laid down to sleep without my pain medication. The sudden change in sleeping activity reminded me that I had become so dependent on Lyrica to make me survive each day. Whenever I remember just how scary it is to have growing cysts on my spine and how they eat at my bones, I could not sleep. But I want to sleep, even if it means giving in to strange dreams.


Dreaming of Angels

What do angels look like, at least the way you envision them? You probably have an image of them dressed in full white gear and with fluffy wings spread out on their back. That’s a typical angel image, especially right now with Christmas drawing near.

In my dreams though, angels look like any one of us. They wear nondescript clothes and blend in with the crowd. The only way I notice them is that they usually appear in pairs and are unusually quiet. I encounter these pairs on empty roads.


A few years back, I dreamed that a pair warned me not to take a particular road. Then, they let me see that the house where I was supposed to go was being robbed. Strangely enough, that house was my grandparents’. The time also looked as if it was during the forties or fifties. My grandparents did get robbed at about that period.

After I had just given birth about three years ago, (I almost died) I dreamed that I was still on an empty road in the middle of the night. There were no more trains and the streets of Metro Manila were strangely quiet. I saw a different pair of what I later on referred to as angels. The two walked hand and hand, with their feet barely touching the ground. They accompanied me home. With them, a few turns were all I needed to get from Metro Manila to Bicol (which are six and a half hours by bus apart at best).

Just last week, my husband was admitted to the hospital because of a severe asthma attack. We stayed at the hospital for three days and three nights. Then, I dreamed of yet another pair; their appearance suggested they were grandmother and granddaughter. They met me inside what appeared to be a small mall in the middle of nowhere. They told me that since I was already halfway during my journey, I could visit my grandmother. (My grandmother died last 2010 but in the dream I felt it natural to think about visiting her) I bought my grandmother ten pink flowers (daises?) and ten white ones.

With these three dreams, I have come to the conclusion that angels come in pairs. If they were not angels then they could at least be the best companions in difficult journeys.