Fairy Frog


Inspired by my dream.

health, personal, tarlov cysts

Strange Dreams

I have been having strange dreams lately. I dreamed of a frog suctioned on the edge of my tongue, unwilling to let go. I could remember the disgust I felt. That disgust was different, not quite heartfelt. Instead, it was like a concept hovering over me, recognized but not fully internalized. Someone – I was not quite sure who – in my dream said that the frog was supposedly known to do that. It was an accepted fact, a habit on the frog’s part to hop into people’s mouths and just clutch as mightily as it could.


I also dreamed about a bunch of people dressed up in “Ghostbusters” gear, hunting for eggs that are supposedly very priceless. Doing so without getting official permission by a certain organization would mean jail time. Still, off this group go – hunting for huge, precious eggs.

Both the frog and the eggs symbolize fertility, a welcome theme for someone who was almost unable to conceive a child and for someone who must continue thriving in a creative community. Maybe, my writer’s block would end. Maybe I would start drawing with some inspiration again.

However, there is also a darker tone to all of this. I received the weird set of dreams after I laid down to sleep without my pain medication. The sudden change in sleeping activity reminded me that I had become so dependent on Lyrica to make me survive each day. Whenever I remember just how scary it is to have growing cysts on my spine and how they eat at my bones, I could not sleep. But I want to sleep, even if it means giving in to strange dreams.

health, personal, tarlov cysts

It has been awhile…

Due to many responsibilities (work, graduate school thesis, my family, my organizations), I had not been able to update this blog for quite some time. Now, I have decided to give this another go. What prompted me most were the queries and comments about my tarlov cyst. There are other people out there – in this country – suffering from the rare disease. This time, I think it is time to reach out. I also want to know more about my disease – why it strikes only a few people and how it comes about in the first place. I am terrified about the idea that my bones are being slowly but surely degenerated by my disease. Surgery is even more terrifying. I would have to put myself and my ability to walk and function normally at risk if I want to completely get rid of my cysts. Sometimes I forget that I have this disease. Whenever I do remember, it is frightening. Writing about it and reaching out to people who are suffering quietly like I do makes things just a little better.